No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
