well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize