hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
