I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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