I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
