my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize