Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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