I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
