She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
