We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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