I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
