i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
