Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
