Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
