um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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