guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize