She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
