UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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