Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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