It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
