Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
