woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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