What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
