then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
