dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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