She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
