Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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