I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
