in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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