in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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