I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
