i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
