apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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