I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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