i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
