so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
