He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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