I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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