There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
