There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
