I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
