Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They have beer where we have blood.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
