No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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