i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
