i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
