i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
