New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
