I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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