the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
