remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the day after is always just damage control
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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