My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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