Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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