New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
