So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
