Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
