i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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