Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
