Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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