I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
