I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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