I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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