the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
