Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
