I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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