alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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