Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
