Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
