Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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