dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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