He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
