And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
