My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
