A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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