Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
