can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
